I think there’s “work being done” under the surface. The night-time dreams are shifting things around… making a path through the muddle of my mind.
I’m feeling bits of clarity here and there. Today while getting my massage there were many bursts of realization: I miss touch. I’ve missed it for years. Have I always missed it? Have I ever allowed myself to accept (truly, fully, accept) affection, or caring, from another? Even after months of massage, today felt different…. I felt more open. More nurtured. Not Nurturing, but accepting nurturing from another. I caught a momentary glimpse of how high my walls really must be.
My dreams lately are familiar in their patterns, but when I wake in the morning I’m no longer aching for connection…. I don’t wake wishing the loneliness wasn’t so real.
I’d like to know what this means. I’m terrified its going to fade away and I’ll be back where I was. But it feels like Something is shifting. Inside.